No Sex In This City

I've been single now for 8 months and I have had sex twice in that timeframe. My intention is to not be involved with another man for a long, long, long time. This is my time to do some soul-searching, praying and meditating. I need to figure out why I'm always attracting losers! Yeah, they look good on the outside and on paper, but once I get to know them, it's just too much! (or not enough in some cases).

I know that part of the problem lies within me. So, I'm working on my self-esteem, self-love and my spiritual and prayer life. In addition, I've decided to (finally) stop looking! I will let love find me when it's ready. I will continue to pursue higher education and work on my personal goals, so that when he comes, I will be ready for him.

Furthermore, I am determined to listen to my instincts from the beginning. They will never lead me wrong.

peace always,

strong

Letting Go

Sometimes I find myself in a place where I need to make changes in the people that I surround myself with. I'm in that place right now.

I've got a few 'friends' and acquaintances that I find are really draining and do not always have my best interest at heart. There's even one person that didn't call me for 6 months, but when they were mourning both the loss of a family member and a relationship-gone-bad, they miraculously found my number!?! Of course, me being the martyr I am took the person under my wing and counseled and consoled them. But, as I was doing this I realized that I was being used and that the life was being drained out of me!

I realize that a part of my calling in this world is to counsel others and to help them realize their full potential. However, in my personal life, I would like some reciprocity. Is that asking too much, or is it that because I am who I am, that I must sacrifice and give and expect little to nothing in return?!? I mean, I do find gratification in helping strangers and others, but sheez what must a man do to have a friend who can call just to say "Hello" or, "Let's hang out and have some fun?".

Anyways, in the end it's all good, sometimes I just need to vent. I will be distancing myself from a few people though, if only for a short while.

peace always,

strong

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Alas, I've finally had to admit that my heart has been broken. I am a very strong man and for the last 8 months, I've pretended that I was ok. But now, seeing him become 'brand new' with a new boyfriend has really f'ed me up.

I don't want to care, but for some stupid reason I do. All I've ever wanted is a healthy, happy relationship with someone who truly loves me as I would them. It all seems so simple, but for me, is nearly impossible.

I've had so much success in life, yet success in love seems to elude me. Perhaps, I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. So, I've decided to focus on me from now on. I'm returning to school in the fall with my ultimate goal being a Doctor of Ministry degree. I'm going to pursue my life's passions and perhaps along the way, love will find me.

Maybe in the course of my studies, I will learn more about myself and why I tend to attract such great actors. Those who can give the outside appearance of being caring, kind and considerate...but on the inside they are cruel, malicious, sneaky and manipulative. Of course, if I had listened to my instincts, I would not have ended up in those predicaments.

peace always,

strong

April Fool's

Well it's April and my job search continues. Temp agencies won't return my calls, and even the local dollar store hasn't called me back about a cashier's position. And George Bush says there's nothing wrong with the economy. Something's gotta give soon, so that I can continue to live in the manner that I'm accustomed to...which is having running water, electricity and a roof over my head.

The good news is that I'm remaining optimistic because I am a man of faith and a truly spiritual person. There's a big job fair next week and I'm going to that. Perhaps something good will come out of that. I know that God has always taken care of me and will continue to do so. All I've got to do is believe.

peace always,

strong